Funny Birthday Quotes
Birthdays can be hard or easy, easier if you laugh. Here are some funny birthday quotes to put you in the birthday mood.
You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
If you keep having birthdays, you’ll eventually die.
For all the advances in medicine there is still no cure for the common birthday.
Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself.
Just remember, once you’re over the hill, you begin to pick up speed.
Men are like wine some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.
Pope John XXIII
If you live to the age of a hundred, you have it made because very few people die past the age of a hundred.
Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere.
Thomas Jefferson once said, ‘We should never judge a president by his age, only by his works.’ And ever since he told me that, I stopped worrying.
No matter how often I tell people I’m thirty-nine some of them refuse to believe I’m that old.
I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don’t have to respect anybody.
Middle age is when your classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don’t recognize you.
You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, ‘See if you can blow this out.’
Why is a birthday cake the only food you can blow on and spit on and everybody rushes to get a piece?
I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a $ 100 and said, “Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.” So he went out and bought a present for my mother.
My husband gave me a necklace. It’s fake. I requested fake. Maybe I’m paranoid, but in this day and age, I don’t want something around my neck that’s worth more than my head.
A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
I took my husband to the hospital yesterday to have 17 stitches out. That’ll teach him to buy me a sewing kit for my birthday.
Thirty-five is a very attractive age, London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years.
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.
The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
E Joseph Cossman
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing ‘Happy Birthday.’
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier… I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
The last birthday that’s any good is 23.
Happy Birthday to my Brother! I like it when people ask if we’re related. That means there’s still an element of doubt.
What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.
Enjoy how sweet, how thoughtful, how kind I’m being on your birthday. Because tomorrow it’s back to the same old crap.
Here’s a toast to someone who’s truly a best friend – a person who goes around telling good things behind your back.
Growing Up Without Getting Old, or the Reverse
As long as you don’t get old, getting older is great. A few quotes to help make sure the birthday fun never goes away and to stay young at heart.
At the age of six I wanted to be a cook. At seven I wanted to be Napoleon. And my ambition has been growing steadily ever since.
That’s the real trouble with the world. Too many people grow up.
A man is getting old when he walks around a puddle instead of through it.
R. C. Ferguson
Youth is a circumstance you can’t do anything about. The trick is to grow up without getting old.
Frank Lloyd Wright
We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.
George Bernard Shaw
To keep the heart unwrinkled to be hopeful kindly cheerful reverent – that is to triumph over old age.
Thomas Bailey Aldrich
Use your health, even to the point of wearing it out. That is what it is for. Spend all you have before you die. Do not outlive yourself.
George Bernard Shaw
To know how to grow old is the master work of wisdom, and one of the most difficult chapters in the great art of living.
Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
The return of my birthday, if I remember it, fills me with thoughts which it seems to be the general care of humanity to escape.
A child whose birthday is coming up is so excited, they count down the days. But as we get older we seem to lose the excitement. We need to rethink and be happy we have reached another birthday.
Thomas Wentworth Higginson
Pleas’d look forward, pleas’d to look behind, and count each birthday with a grateful mind.
Don’t just count your years, make your years count.
Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard, there is nothing you can do about it.
We turn not older with years, but newer every day.
The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been.
A few birthday wishes, just looking forward to the future.
May you grow up to be righteous, may you grow up to be true. May you always know the truth and see the lights surrounding you. May you always be courageous, stand upright and be strong. May you stay forever young.
Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is youer than you!
There are three hundred and sixty – four days when you might get un – birthday presents, and only one for birthday presents, you know.
May you live all the days of your life.
May you and yours have a happy birthday.