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Funny Quotes for a Happy 70th Birthday, plus serious too

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Funny Birthday Quotes for Septuagenarians

Yes, that does mean people in their 70s, not the 1970s. None of the humor is so highbrow that you need a boost, put away your platform shoes and on to the funny quotes.

Like a lot of fellows around here, I have a furniture problem. My chest has fallen into my drawers.
Billy Casper

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.
Agatha Christie

In youth we run into difficulties, in old age difficulties run into us.
Josh Billings

Picture of three elephants rear ends.

I don’t know how you feel about old age, but in my case, I didn’t even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.
Phyllis Diller

There are three signs of old age: loss of memory… I forget the other two.
Red Skelton

It’s an awful thing to grow old by yourself. My wife hasn’t had a birthday in seven years.
Robert Orben

The young man knows the rules, but the old man knows the exceptions.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

I am getting to an age when I can only enjoy the last sport left. It is called hunting for your spectacles.
Edward Grey

A man over ninety is a great comfort to all his elderly neighbours: he is a picket – guard at the extreme outpost: and the young folks of sixty and seventy feel that the enemy must get by him before he can come near their camp.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to zip up your fly, and then you forget to unzip your fly.
Branch Rickey

Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
Groucho Marx

Age is not important unless you’re a cheese.
Helen Hayes

Old age is a special problem for me because I’ve never been able to shed the mental image I have of myself – a lad of about 19.
E. B. White

I delight in men over seventy. They always offer one the devotion of a lifetime.
Oscar Wilde

Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.
Maurice Chevalier

Wisdom doesn’t automatically come with old age. Nothing does – except wrinkles. It’s true, some wines improve with age. But only if the grapes were good in the first place.
Abigail Van Buren

I advise you to go on living solely to enrage those who are paying your annuities. It is the only pleasure I have left.
Voltaire

He is at an age that whenever a pretty girl smiles at him he immediately looks down to see what is unzipped.
Elmer Pasta

Solemn Septuagenarians

Not really solemn but not geared towards laughs. These quotes are on what being seventy can be.

There is nothing more remarkable in the life of Socrates than that he found time in his old age to learn to dance and play on instruments, and thought it was time well spent.
Michel de Montaigne

Being seventy is not a sin.
Golda Meir

It is not by the gray of the hair that one knows the age of the heart.
Edward Bulwer-Lytton

The great secret that all old people share is that you really haven’t changed in seventy or eighty years. Your body changes, but you don’t change at all. And that, of course, causes great confusion.
Doris Lessing

A human being would certainly not grow to be seventy or eighty years old if this longevity had no meaning for the species. The afternoon of human life must also have a significance of its own and cannot be merely a pitiful appendage to life’s morning.
Carl Jung

The key to successful aging is to pay as little attention to it as possible.
Judith Regan

The wise man does not grow old, but ripens.
Victor Hugo

The secret of genius is to carry the spirit of the child into old age, which means never losing your enthusiasm.
Aldous Huxley

Old age is the most unexpected of all the things that can happen to a man.
Leon Trotsky

You can’t help getting older, but you don’t have to get old.
George Burns

To be happy, we must be true to nature and carry our age along with us.
William Hazlitt

Youth has no age.
Pablo Picasso

The denunciation of the young is a necessary part of the hygiene of older people, and greatly assists the circulation of their blood.
Logan Pearsall Smith

But though I am an old man, I am but a young gardener.
Thomas Jefferson

Youth is happy because it has the capacity to see beauty. Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old.
Franz Kafka

The harvest of old age is the recollection and abundance of blessing previously secured.
Marcus Tullius Cicero

To be seventy years young is sometimes far more cheerful and hopeful than to be forty years old.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

At fifteen I set my heart upon learning. At thirty, I had planted my feet firm upon the ground. At forty, I no longer suffered from perplexities. At fifty, I knew what were the biddings of Heaven. At sixty, I heard them with docile ear. At seventy, I could follow the dictates of my own heart; for what I desired no longer overstepped the boundaries of right.
Confucius

When grace is joined with wrinkles, it is adorable. There is an unspeakable dawn in happy old age.
Victor Hugo

No wise man ever wished to be younger.
Jonathan Swift

As I approve of a youth that has something of the old man in him, so I am no less pleased with an old man that has something of the youth. He that follows this rule may be old in body, but can never be so in mind.
Marcus Tullius Cicero

For age is opportunity no less Than youth itself, though in another dress, And as the evening twilight fades away The sky is filled with stars, invisible by day.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

About the only thing that comes to us without effort is old age.
Gloria Pitzer

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
Phyllis Diller

When grace is joined with wrinkles, it is adorable. There is an unspeakable dawn in happy old age.
Victor Hugo

Toy car - Porsche.
A Porsche I can afford, boys and their toys.

A man growing old becomes a child again.
Sophocles

To be seventy years old is like climbing the Alps. You reach a snow-crowned summit, and see behind you the deep valley stretching miles and miles away, and before you other summits higher and whiter, which you may have strength to climb, or may not. Then you sit down and meditate and wonder which it will be.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Age is a high price to pay for maturity.
Tom Stoppard

To my surprise, my 70s are nicer than my 60s and my 60s than my 50s, and I wouldn’t wish my teens and 20s on my enemies.
Lionel Blue

I’ll never make the mistake of being seventy again!
Casey Stengel

Old age is ready to undertake tasks that youth shirked because they would take too long.
W Somerset Maugham

The tragedy of old age is not that one is old, but that one is young.
Oscar Wilde

One Last LONG Quote

Long but great, read it whether you are ninety-two or not.

Between the years of ninety-two and a hundred and two, however, we shall be the ribald, useless, drunken, outcast person we have always wished to be. We shall have a long white beard and long white hair; we shall not walk at all, but recline in a wheel chair and bellow for alcoholic beverages; in the winter we shall sit before the fire with our feet in a bucket of hot water, a decanter of corn whiskey near at hand, and write ribald songs against organized society; strapped to one arm of our chair will be a forty-five calibre revolver, and we shall shoot out the lights when we want to go to sleep, instead of turning them off; when we want air we shall throw a silver candlestick through the front window and be damned to it; we shall address public meetings in a vein of jocund malice. We shall but we don’t wish to make any one envious of the good time that is coming to us We look forward to a disreputable, vigorous, unhonoured, and disorderly old age.
Don Marquis

Happy 70th Birthday to you and yours.
Ken

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